


dude thats my sweatshirt

by Wurda



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Smoking, So does Sasuke, but it will have some plot, every one has a dirty mouth and makes dirty jokes, long-haired naruto, naruto comes from a rich family, naruto drives a nice car, rich kids, sasuke and naruto are besties, sort of a crackfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29201286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wurda/pseuds/Wurda
Summary: “Yeah fit it all in! You got this bro!”“That’s what she said.”“Stop saying that.”At the encouragement, Naruto chews obnoxiously, barely managing to smile at Sasuke with so much in his mouth. He hardly registers that the donuts disappeared so fast, more exasperated about the stupid Spiderman tattoo on the side of his friend’s left cheek.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 11
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry in advance for this mess. More tags to be added later, but if you think I missed one please let me know!

When he enters the large house, he doesn’t expect to see his best friend shoveling 3 Krispy Kreme glazed donuts into his stupidly wide mouth while the guys cheer him on. 

He stands in the doorway for a few seconds, Kiba finally turning his way.

“Ayyy Sasuke!” He rolls his eyes. Kiba is loud as ever, and his tie dye headband does nothing to hold his hair back from his flushed face. He’s already facing the blonde without waiting for a response. “Yeah fit it all in! You got this bro!”

“That’s what she said.”

“Stop saying that.”

At the encouragement, Naruto chews obnoxiously, barely managing to smile at Sasuke with so much in his mouth. He hardly registers that the donuts disappeared so fast, more exasperated about the stupid Spiderman tattoo on the side of his friend’s left cheek.

He closes the door and walks over to the couch, setting the plastic bag down on the small coffee table beside the white donut boxes and the cans of PBR.

“How fucking drunk are you?”

Naruto struggles to swallow, Spiderman shooting his web across the distended cheek. Sasuke raises his eyebrows in amusement, tiny smirk playing at his lips because wow that's just ignorant.

“Pretty drunk,” is all the response he gets before arms wrap around his slim waist, reaching behind him to grab the bag.

The bag crinkles as he pulls out the batteries he’d requested from Sasuke, grinning widely and standing abruptly, nearly knocking him over in the process.

“We are SAVED,” he cries out, trying not to fall back on his ass. Shikamaru huffs, getting up from the armchair and crossing the room to snatch the package out of the blonde’s hands. “You’re piss drunk, idiot. I’ll do it.”

“Hey!”

Kiba, pulls a small knife from his pocket-- Ironman flexing on his bicep-- and hands it to Shikamaru who promptly opens the package and reaches down to grab the remote from the table. “You broke it, now I have to fix it, tch.”

Naruto pouts, swaying slightly, grasping Sasuke’s shoulder to steady himself. His hair is a wild mess, resting messily around his shoulders and he shakes his head. “Mean,” he utters.

Sasuke brushes the hair away from the still sticky tattoo that now adorns his friend’s face, trying to convince himself not to just drop the blonde. There are a few stains on his hoodie, which is light green. He thinks it says something about a park, but it’s too faded for him to read.

“What are doing, Ponyboy?”

Tsume’s rough voice reaches their ears as she walks in the front door with Akamaru and Kuromaru on her heels. Choji snickers from his seat on the floor.

“They broke your TV,” Hana calls from somewhere else in the house, and Tsume’s brows furrow as she whips her head incredibly fast to glare at the 80” flat screen mounted to the wall. “Who fuckin’ did!?”

“This dumbass,” Shikamaru nods his head towards Naruto, who gasps at the betrayal, “and stop calling me that.”

Akamaru comes over for pets, cold nose brushing all their hands excitedly.

Tsume squints at Naruto, who only chuckles and smiles widely as he stumbles over his words, hands buried in the large dog’s fur.

“Did not, jus’ the remote, promiseeeee.” His blue eyes blink innocently at her as he drawls out his sentence, and no one can stay mad at that.

“Lemme see it, Ponyboy,” Shikamaru sighs in resignation, one battery away from completing his job but too lazy and buzzed to argue with her. She plucks the remote from his hands.

"...why that nickname?" Chouji dares to ask.

Shino responds from his place in the other armchair, "I don't think she really knows what it means."

“How are new batteries gonna fix a broken remote?” Tsume pops the last one in and presses the power button, but the TV still doesn’t turn on.

“Dunno, but we got them anyway, we were completely out. Naruto sat on it, by the way. Well. Landed on it.” Kiba’s lips curl up in a smirk, glancing at said blonde while lifting a can to his lips. Sasuke hears a whiny, “Wuz an accident,” from his right.

Sasuke decides the weight is too much and shoves the arm off his shoulder, causing the other man to trip back and land with an “oof” on the leather couch. He sits still for a minute, then, as if realizing what just happened, slowly looks up at Sasuke and frowns.

“Asshole.”

He smirks but sits next to him as he pouts some more. Sasuke runs his fingers through the lengthy stands of gold as an apology, causing Naruto to hum contently.

“I doubt sitting on it will break it.” The brown-haired woman says as she holds the remote at different angles while pushing the power button.

Choji grabs a donut from the box and offers it to Tsume, who takes a short break from beating the remote against her thigh to bite into it. “Whore,” she mutters to the remote control around a mouthful of pastry.

“Sure am,” Kiba stretches to pop his back from where he sits on the arm of the couch.

“Accident,” Hana corrects as she joins them in the living room, “I was planned.”

“Fuck you,” her brother responds, without any venom.

Suddenly the room is filled with blue light and they cheer, Tsume holding the remote above her head victoriously.

“Just needed a woman’s touch,” She says, and nearly hands the remote back to Naruto before backtracking and giving it to Shikamaru instead. Naruto’s hand stays outstretched for a moment more before he realizes, and he drops it with a scowl.

“You drank too much,” Sasuke utters, and everyone agrees.

“I’ll grab him some water,” Tsume leaves the living room and comes back a couple seconds later, neon yellow plastic cup in hand.

Sasuke snorts, “Don’t break it,” and helps Naruto take a sip, keeping the hair away from his mouth.

“That’s why mom gave him plastic,” Hana giggles and takes a drink from her own beer.

“Not a baby.”

Sasuke hums in response to his petulant reply.  
The theme for _That 70’s Show _is a little too loud for Sasuke’s tastes but he doesn’t voice this opinion. He’s occupied with the sheets of temporary tattoos Shino brings him, mostly Spiderman.__

__"Don't ask," The quiet boy advises._ _

__Sasuke doesn’t._ _

__Naruto conjures up a cold rag from who knows where and presses it over the back of Sasuke’s hand, holding the small slip of paper onto his skin. Hana offers the dark haired man a PBR but he scrunches up his nose and declines._ _

__“We match!” His friend beams once he gets the slimy piece of paper off Sasuke’s hand, revealing the exact same tattoo on the other’s face._ _

__An hour later, Naruto’s eyes are slipping shut, and he shakes his head to try and stay awake. Sasuke sinks further into the couch, guiding his friend to lean against his shoulder. “Rest.”_ _

__“Mmkay. Batteries, thanks S’suke.”_ _

__“No Problem, idiot.” Sasuke pats his thigh and sighs, enjoying the heat along his side._ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m exhausted and will probably edit this hardcore later. Comments are appreciated :)

5:28 PM

Kiba has changed the chat name to “The Boyz”

Sasuke has changed the chat name to “Idiots”

Sasuke has left the chat.

Naruto has added Sasuke to the chat.

Naruto has changed the chat name to “The Boyz”

PonyBoy: Nice try Sasuke.

PonyBoy: Who the fuck changed my name.

Kiba: mom asked me to

Wolfmother: didn’t know how LOL

Chouji: Why is your mother in our group chat 

Hana the Goddess: cuz she’s one of the boys

Kiba: can confirm

Naruto: I want a cool chat name :(

Kiba: hold on I gotchu

Bug Boi: Have we ignored that fact that Hana, another woman, is also in this chat?

Rich Bitch: wow

Rich Bitch: IDK how I feel about this one :(

Sasuke: Who the hell let Kiba be in charge

Rich Bitch: I DONT LIKE THIS

Hana the Goddess: hold on I’ll fix it

Hana the Goddess: also don’t be a bitch Shino I’m one of the boys too

He-Man: wtf does this mean

Hana the Goddess: look it up

Wolfmother: LOL

PonyBoy: You guys are old.

Hana the Goddess: suck my cock

Emo Rich Bitch: I hate this.

Emo Rich Bitch has left the chat.

He-Man has added Emo Rich Bitch to the chat.

He-Man: SAs sToP LeAvinG mE!!!

He-Man: Why did you name me after a cartoon? 0.0

Hana the Goddess: you look like him

He-Man: WTF NO I DON’T

Wolfmother: LOL

Kiba: It’s the hair

He-Man: IT DOSENT LOOK LIKE THAT

PonyBoy: I’m muting this chat.

Hana the Goddess: running away pussy?

Chouji: Can we all go out for pizza?

Sai: I’m currently drawing

Sai: It will be He-Man but with Naruto’s face

Kiba: OMFG yes Sai

He-Man: NOOOOOO

Bug Boi: I will have Pizza with you, Chouji.

Wolfmother: not over here Naruto broke my damn TV

He-Man: It was only the remote and it worked!

Hana the Goddess: Your fatass sat on it

He-Man: :)

Chouji: I want Pizza. I’m sure Kushina and Minato won’t mind.

He-Man: you just volunteered my house

Kiba: I’m game

Chouji: I’m heading there now

Bug Boi: Likewise

Sai: It’s not finished yet but I’ll bring my drawing anyway

Kiba: Kushina will frame it

He-Man: …..

He-Man: im telling mom not to let you all in

6:40 PM

Chouji: Minato let us in lol

Wolfmother: tell them I said hi

-

“You TRAITOR,” The blonde says, but he’s working hard to contain a smile.

The older man stops, looks back at the other boys in the living room, then back to his son in confusion.

“…what?”

Naruto laughs, “Nothing, did mom order the pizza?”

“I sure did,” Kushina says from behind him, walking up and pressing a kiss to her son’s cheek. “Minato, weren’t you listening when I said not to let them in?”

He shrugs, “They make things more fun around here.”

Kushina agrees,“Sai what is that you’re drawing?”

“No wait, mom don’t—”

Sai smiles in the eerie way of his and shows Kushina his work, she stares for a full 5 seconds.

Then bursts out laughing. “I’m framing that!”

“MOM. You frame everything! Nooooo!”

Minato pats his son on the back before going over to their coffee table to peek over Kushina’s shoulder.

“It can’t be that bad—”

He’s stops, then joins Kushina in laughter. “Oh that’s too good. Definitely frame worthy. Now that I’m looking at it, you should dress up as He-Man for Halloween, you’d look great.”

Naruto groans. “I’ve never even seen it.”

“Well we can fix that, right?” Kiba says, pulling out He-Man and the Masters of the Universe from his bag. “Mom had it. She says hi, by the way.”

-

“Wait why are you leaving?”

“Temari,” Choji tattles.

Naruto and Kiba gasp.

Then they look at each other.

“SIMP!”

“Ah, fuck. Alright I’m out.” Shikamaru huffs and gets up from the leather couch.

Sasuke decides to speak up, then, much to Shikamaru’s chagrin. 

“Why not bring her over here?”

The look he gets in return is totally worth it.

“Yeah, Shika! Let’s meet this mysterious Temari.”

The glare they all get is answer enough, “Never.”

“Siiiiimmmmp.”

“Fuck you guys.”

-

9:13 PM

He-Man: hows it going with temari?

Simp: Leave me alone.

Simp: Fuck you guys.

Hana the Goddess: damn what did you do?

Kiba: he left us for temariiii

Hana the Goddess: Kankuro’s sister?

Simp: How did you know that?

Kiba: she knows a lot of men

Hana the Goddess: fuck off

Hana the Goddess: I just know people

Wolfmother: I didn’t raise you to be that way

Hana the Goddess: and you didn’t mean to have Kiba but here we are

Chouji: Ouch.

Neji: I’m gone for a few hours and I miss all this? Why does it feel like I’m watching a sit-com?

He-Man: NEJIIIIII

Kiba: NEJII!!!

Sai: Greetings Neji-san. :)

Emo Rich Bitch: I’m sick of being the only normal one, get over here.

Neji-San: Sasuke? 

He-Man: no, thats emo rich bitch

He-Man: but im naruto :D

He-Man: sas just hit me neji help :(

Neji-San: Let me read what I missed.

He-Man: kay :)

Neji-San: Any pizza left?

Chouji: Some pepperoni 

Neji-San: On my way! 

Simp: Fuck all of you.

Kiba: again??

Simp: Temari read the chat. She wants to meet you guys.

He-Man: hell yeah!!!!!!!

Sai: This way you can be a Simp but also hang with us at the same time. :)

Simp: I’ll never escape this will I?

He-Man: never >:)

**Author's Note:**

> It doesn't make sense now but maybe it will later? Anyway, hope you enjoyed it because I've got more coming.


End file.
